But he wouldn’t cure cancer. He would cut funding to cancer research. Because that’s what he did.

Believe people when they tell you what they are.

going to start doing this

btw this is 78 degrees Fahrenheit. i know folks who keep their house at this temperature

i once worked as a live-in nanny for 3 small kids in hawaii. the parents were burnt out and didn’t really like parenting. they had 2 nannies covering 7am-8pm 7 days a week. the dad worked a few hours a day and the mom didn’t work. years later i saw the dad had started a blog

“haven’t seen you in a while, what u been up to” me:

Asked my girlfriend who Trisha Paytas was and she did this

“Donald Trump Is A Felon. Correct me if I’m wrong, he can’t own a gun but he can start World War lll on his own.” RIP Ozzy 🤘

delete this or Big Dry Erase is gonna take you out boeing style

My 6yo son has been talking about needing to do his hair nice and be cute for school so he can “attract females.” I was terrified he got exposed to some alpha male shit. You know what it was? Fucking Animal Planet. He is learning to flirt from BIRD documentaries.

if I owned a cafe, I would have this picture as a guide for how much cream/milk customers want in their coffee. like ok and now select which color coffee you’d like.. guinea pig number 6 ok

When President Clinton banned assault rifles in 1994, mass shootings dropped by 43%. After Republicans let the ban expire in 2004, they increased by 243% — please don’t tell me bans don’t work, because I don’t want to hear it.

You’re a rapist from Eastern Europe wanted for human trafficking in 8 different countries trying to incite violence on another continent

i'm convinced my life would be so much better if i had one of those window seats

Victor deserves the medal of freedom.