Just saw Santa. It’s been about four hours… I’ve seen things, twitter world has to know. I’m very disconcerted by a business card I found. I don’t have a magnifying class so I can’t currently verify the existence of any potential microscopic clauses.

Sometimes I eat cereal out of a bowl with a straw built into it. Although I do enjoy some post-cereal milk, I cannot trust that straw. How clean can it ever really be? What if there’s a spider? Or Ralph? Theres no guarantee.

Guys I literally found the meaning of life it was literally so easy, can you guys stop asking me?? 🤨🙄🙄

Whenever I played chess I always imagined the rook as a castle (or at least, the icon for the rook is usually a castle), but I never stopped to consider how a castle could move?? Really makes you stop and think about the important things in life…:…………

Whoever invented the wheel was probably a nerd

Ok I’m done.

Every day, at least a couple times, I think that the lights in my room are flickering, until I realize that I just blinked.

Master Chef needs more hidden immunity idols. 4/10

Can’t believe it’s been like 170 years and they still haven’t announced what they’re multiplying New York by. smh 🤨😒🥱

Literally why did they make it impossible to open uno packs without destroying them

Tbh I’m rooting for the bagels today- trucks are kind of overrated IMO

I just witnessed a garbage truck driver litter. Like… dude, seriously?? Even worse, he didn’t even attempt to pick it up with the giant metal trash can claw.

Saw #NopeMovie today. Really disappointed OJ didn’t say “mmm it’s right behind me, isn’t it?” when the UFO was standing behind him. Absolutely baffling.

I’m the only one on BeReal. Everyone else is apparently on BeLate. 🙄🥱😒

I still think it’s pretty astonishing we still haven’t found the other half of the dome yet. Are we sure Teddy Rosevelt didn’t just take it?

Literally what does this even mean

I was getting my haircut the other day and the barber asked if I was a #StrangerThings fan. Of course, it was an emphatic yes, so they knocked me out and completely shaved my head. Love this fandom! 😍😍😍

Shows these days are so depressing. That’s why I’m so glad I started watching #SuccessionHBO. Finally some characters I can root for. Every time those crazy kids are on screen I just think “Wow. Imagine how many jobs they’re creating!”

Just found out that “Pizza Kitchen” is apparently called “California Pizza Kitchen” in other states wtf???

One of my favorite activities is getting annoyed by a tik tok, then scrolling on, then scrolling back to that tik tok to look at the comments and then going to bed and then thinking about the tik tok in my head and opening the app again so I can get annoyed by the same tik tok