I find it hard to believe I used to just answer my phone when it rang. No caller ID. No idea who was calling. Just picked it up and said “hello” like a goddam daredevil.

Im sorry the Selling Sunset dog funeral outfits are pure camp. And then they ate McDonald’s after. We may never reach these highs again in reality TV.

i’m sorry but the scholastic book fair did not inspire a love of reading it created my love of shopping

When your power is out for 10 mins.. lol.

Inventor of Triscuits: What if you could eat wicker furniture.

This Lyft driver hasn’t said a word to me this entire drive. 5 stars

Facts

My heart breaks for anyone who lays in bed at night and wonders why they weren't enough for the one person they would give the world to. It ruins you. 💔

Ghosting is absolutely fine. Would you rather be told that your vibe sucked and you were boring?

My husband received a cancer diagnosis yesterday. He is 37 years old and the healthiest person I know. For a couple years he had random heart palpitations but got CT scans, bloodwork, echocardiograms etc and everything was cleared and he was diagnosed with panic attacks. He

Man sits by me on train. MAN: Loads of psychopaths around here ME: Really? MAN: Loads mate ME: How'd you know? MAN: There's signs aren't there? ME: I guess? MAN: I love them (47 minutes of awkward silence.) Man leaves train, he has a bike. I realise he was saying 'cycle paths'.

Someone come take my phone. I had 3 drinks and I’m ready to order a $600 Dyson curling iron.

You haven’t yet met everyone who will love you

Someone in my office is trying to send bad vibes to the Philadelphia Phillies NOT TODAY, SATAN

Today I don't have to fall apart I don't have to be afraid I don't have to let the damage consume me My shadows see through me... ❤️

LETS GO Philadelphia Phillies!!! ⚾️ 🔔 💪🏻 ⚾️ 🔔 💪🏻 ⚾️ 🔔 💪🏻 Jacob Realmuto Bryce Harper Bryson Stott Trea Bohm Edmundo Sosa Brandon Marsh Rojas Casty NOLA!!!

Dear Breast Cancer Awareness Campaigns, I am aware. Benignly, ThanksCancer

i was already a mess after the dogs but now that i know the ending im even worse #wewereliars