There's something very satisfying about caulking

GM

My new conspiracy theory is that Democrat politicians received a combined total nationwide of 137 votes in the last election.

Nobody should have the right to vote

"I can't think of a product!"

Hear me out Popeyes

People are acting weird today. Something in the air.

"I can't think of a product!"

I just call them a "carbine clip" because I can't be bothered to remember the real name.

This is why Doc Red 🍎 has never invited me to a sleepover.

You ever wonder why pepper isn't a pepper?

I went to college straight out of high school and nearly flunked out. Skipped most of my classes. Just had no interest. I was too busy being social. Then I went back to college when I was 30 and loved all of it. I never missed a single lecture.

Damn. I kinda like that shirt tho

I couldn't tell you the difference between "saturated" fat and "unsaturated" fat unless I looked it up. We should come up with better, more descriptive names.

I love all my Twitter frens. But not all of you.

One time I served a mission in Africa where we helped starving people during a famine. These people were absolutely emaciated. On the first day, I walked up to one and said: Don't you realize that CICO isn't real? Everybody clapped.

One aspect to metaphysics that always blows my mind is how nothing is nothing. There is no nothing. No void. Even if you have a vacuum of empty space. If you had two objects and there was literally "nothing" in between them, then they would have to be touching.