One last look at the barrel horse in the barn

I ain’t ever hurt nobody never killed nobody never buried a body no no no

I don’t know if Pitbull has been here, done THIS

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“Do you have lip fillers? You have really nice lips” “No😎” SHOOOOOWEEEE MY EGO

Me texting my preceptor now that I’m on my own any time I do something brave at work

“My golf games like my life- always coming up short” “Well, I guess I can relate to that- straight but I never get to finish”

Shady Jesus what the fuck

I cant have a boy over how am I supposed to explain my collection of stolen dishware from various sushi restaurants (I fucking hate sushi)

“He didn’t mean all that much to me” I still cross my windshield every time a coyote crosses the road in front of me

Olympics are on which means I am now the hotline for all my coworkers’ questions about horses and “why are they dancing like that?”

I have so much love for you but holy shit dude did you fuck me up mentally

How humbling it is to work a job that reminds me every day how small my own problems are. How grateful I am to be able to be there for strangers at their most vulnerable. And how grateful I am for spaghetti for lunch every day(,:

Knew I wasn’t shit when I couldn’t remember him by his real name only the name me and all my friends made up for him

“Unfortunately” I work in healthcare so I’ll be walking in to your hospital room with a smile on my face and kindness in my heart regardless of who you voted for Tuesday.

Being heartbroken by family is such a different kind of hurt.

Ain’t nothing sexy about stand up comedy

Me 🤝 telling my favorite boarding patients in the ED that I’m glad we got to hang out all day (they’re cold, tired, hungry, and just want their own bathroom)

The kind of intro that’ll catch you pushing 90 on the freeway Jarrod Morris