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My dad just introduced me to my sister’s new in-laws as a “big time accountant” so everyone watch out because I basically rule the world

Googling how to franchise a Penn Station because the closest one is 1,600 miles away

Today a middle schooler I coach asked why I don’t just play on the team with them because all this time he thought I was in the 8th grade

Was part of the trailblazers half time show AND got nacho fries tonight

I was not prepared to cry over a Kroger commercial during the Ohio State game but wow they got me

About a month ago, my boss gave me a stainless steel koozie but I thought it was just a fancy rich person cup so I poured my drink in it and I know we’re both still thinking about it every time we speak

Thinking about when a guy on a dating app told me I looked like Fred Durst

You beat mixtape once and everyone starts asking if you have a Twitter

I don’t think I’ve ever played club regionals without a rating of 5 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

A bit delayed, but want to shoutout all the friends from Oregon mixed that hung out in the freezing monsoon Saturday afternoon to cheer on Scorch against BFG. It was really cool, meant a lot, and (I firmly believe) helped us play better. Thanks y’all 🫶🏼

Frisbee people: If you personally are on a team in Truck Stop’s position and see the proof of the strip before your next game, do you play the semis or give up your spot?

😭😭😭

Quote with celebs you’ve been told you look like

The bombing hasn’t stopped in Gaza. You’re just not seeing as much about it because Israel killed most of the journalists.

9 from Pony (lost in quarters) 7 from Truck Stop (lost in quarters*) 1 from machine?? (only team to go undefeated to finals) This is a Paul Arters stan account and someone fucked up

It’s always a shame when a team like Pony slips through to finals and we’re forced to watch a blowout

Just a reminder, given that he now is blaming everyone else for inaction