"you tweeted that --" first of all, do not conflate me, the author, with the "speaker" of my tweets

are you sure about that

i am screaming how is this 120 years old

I'm not sure why WQXR just played the Waltz of the Flowers twice in under an hour, but I wish they would play it a third time

Only their combined power can defeat Richard Scarry

when you die and go to heaven, they play a supercut of all the unappreciated jokes you ever made in your life, and everyone in heaven laughs uproariously at each one

this tweet was inspired by a memory of a family Passover seder a couple of years ago when someone said "Can you set the table? There are thirteen people" and I said, totally spontaneously, "And one of you will betray me" and no one laughed

I know he chuckled writing this part 😭

Most of the time when people say 'performative,' they just mean 'phony.' It's a shame, because 'phony' is a much better insult and is free from a pseudo-academic veneer.

wait remember that unscripted moment in The Lady Eve where the horse keeps interrupting her love scene with Henry Fonda by trying to nuzzle them? why did she have this effect on horses youtube.com/watch?v=9GLvvQ…

if i were to “picture everybody in the room naked” i would be STUNNED and in awe of the beauty and diversity of the human form before me. but thanks for the advice.

Caity somehow wrote an obituary that made me smile ear to ear and grieve someone I never met. I finished it wishing I’d known her father. Please read — it’s beautiful.