What's the most helpful medical problem? A cyst.

sahod day vibez

Shakespeare wrote all his plays with a pencil. But was it 2B or not 2B?

Apparently to start a zoo you need at least two pandas, a grizzly and three polars. It's the bear minimum.

Aba anak, magaling

Minsan rin talaga ay hindi nakakatawa ang mga joke ko. Pero ang pinaka hindi nakakatawang joke ay ang ating gobyerno

I said to my wife, "They say that childbirth is the most painful thing someone can experience..." "Now, maybe I was too young to remember, but I didn't think it hurt that much."

I just found out Albert Einstein was a real person! All this time I thought he was a theoretical physicist!

My wife says I only have 2 faults. I don't listen and something else.

A buddy of mine named his dog ‘5 miles’ so he could tell people he walked 5 miles. But today he ran over 5 miles.

How do you deal with a sad astronaut? Just give them some space.

What will the 10th movie in the Fast and Furious franchise be called? Fast10. Your seat belts.

When I moved into my new igloo my friends threw me a surprise house-warming party. Now I'm homeless.

It is out of your control

What do you call someone who tells dad jokes but isn't a dad? A faux pa.

Albert Einstein was a genius. But his brother Frank was a monster.

What did the carpenter say when he finished building his house? Nailed it.

I wouldn't say my house had the best ceiling in the world... But it's definitely up there.

Someone stole all my lamps. You'd think I'd be upset... ...but I'm actually delighted.

Sad news, my obese parrot died today. Mind you, it's a huge weight off my shoulders.