One of the hardest things to do in life is to ride a Pogo stick across freshly waxed linoleum tile while holding a full pot of coffee. I know this now

*My wife and I meeting another couple while on vacation* Couple: So how long have you two been married? Me: Ever since the wedding

My generation X: My parents booked seats in the smoking section of the plane During the summer we played with lawn darts Bike helmets were for nerds Calling someone a nerd was an insult Lead paint was "fine" Each door in a car had an ashtray Peanuts didn't kill Lactose was good

The Slinky song but for dildos. Oldy but goody youtu.be/e8xnOkF23fI?si…

Oh great, now I gotta spend my hooker money on avocados and eggs 🤬

Me to my wife: Hey Honey, sorry I didn't hear you call earlier, the dog fell asleep on the phone My wife: Who was he talking to?

Trump & MAGA boast about Canada becoming the 51st state, BUT: Canada would become the most populated state in the Union, surpassing California. It would have 55 seats in the House and 2 in the Senate Republicans would never win the House ever again, probably not Senate either 😄

Hooters declares bankruptcy, claims it will reposition itself as a family-friendly casual dining restaurant chain focusing on locally sourced owls

Neil deGrasse Tyson On Isaac Newton 🤯 youtube.com/shorts/1OoPRAd… via YouTube

It turns out the TV series GOTHAM has nothing to do with the acquisition and retention of pork

youtu.be/5haMVR5my-s?si…

Trump & MAGA boast of Canada becoming the 51st state, BUT: Canada would become the most populated state in the Union, surpassing California. It would have 55 seats in the House and 2 in the Senate. Republicans would never win the House ever again, probably not Senate either 😄

youtube.com/shorts/TWFOj3Z…

From now on I'm going to pronounce all silent letters I tell myself as I turn out the lig ht and get ready for bed

Spanish - belonging or relating to Spain, or to its people, language, or culture Spainish - Portugal

Quick shout out to the Fox News journalists in May 2020 who said Covid-19 won't be a big deal. It won't be any worse than Covid-1 through Covid-18

JD Vance is the Ron DeSantis of Eric Trumps

Beliefs wishes and assumptions aren't facts. Facts are facts

Today I learned that Donald Trump thought the Gaza Strip was the name of a titty bar in Israel 😉

Cocaine so white it definitely won't get deported