March 17, 2075: We ran out of un-radiated nutrient packets, but the good news is, on tonight's season finale, Young Sheldon finally died.

There is only one day The Good Doctor gets to be Bad, and that is the Purge.

Touche, Man who reached around me to hit the Walk Button thereby insinuating I look like a person who has never crossed a street before

the three main cinematic multiverses.

ME: Hi, I'll have a Junior Bacon Cheeseburger. CASHIER: Sir, this is a Wendy's. ME: ... CASHIER: ... ME (head hung, softly): A Son of Baconator.

Every radio ad: "It's football season, but you know what ISN'T football season? A family plan from Verizon Wireless."

"And another thing" I scream, turning and stopping in the middle of the street, "A bus wouldn't slam into someone at full speed without at least trying to avoi--"

Not sure we thought this one through...

Game can't end until everyone gets to play. My little league had the same rule.

Saw that nutcracker movie. The first three realms are just the inside of different nuts and the fourth realm is hell.

When the random word generator makes a pretty convincing one

In 2020, Democrats should focus on taking WA-03 so as to completely cut off Republicans' access to the sea.

SURPRISE. The new season is coming this weekend. Watch ALL of season 4 starting this Saturday starting 8/7c, only on @tbsnetwork. AND DON'T CALL ME ANGELA.

BOBBY: So who are we making over this week? BOBBY: Guys? BOBBY: What's going on? BOBBY: No... Please no-- KARAMO: It's you, man.

Was it a good use of my entire month of September to draw all the lyrics of LIZZO's Truth Hurts in MSPaint? youtube.com/watch?v=g0xPBl…

Perfect seems a little strong... but thanks!

Uhhhh, wow. Thanks. Your song is good and you are good.

What about a store where you can't fuckin find anything and checkout takes 20 minutes minimum? ―Irving P. Riteaid

QUIBI: You know how you're so busy these days, you don't have even 11 minutes to do ANYTHING?????

It's important to weigh all the issues.