I was shit.

Microdosing 2022 by sucking

June 2012. I join Twitter. I have no idea what I'm doing. My social media experience to date had been my Myspace top 8 and playing Lil Green Patch on Facebook. Interactions with strangers hadn't been done. I was hooked immediately. I replied to people probably 200 times a day.

That I've hurt so many just for the sake of my own self needs gets impossibly worse every time I want to open my big mouth. Getting everything better again means struggling with wondering what the fuck I'm doing.

Comedy is my answer to the pain of life. Many would misunderstand me as some sort of a sick, retarded villain, and they would be correct.

Reminder that Lorne Michaels still has not formally, publicly banned Louis C.K., Aziz Anzari or Machine Gun Kelly from participating in SNL as either a host or cast member. 2022 is officially shit.

My grade school piano instructor was right. I will never make it in Hollywood because at my core I am a deeply unsatisfying man due to the many psychological injuries I have suffered.

Comedy is my life language. Take your time. Breathe. Dance for no reason. Nobody is going to do it for you unless you do it.

Frankly, my inability to gracefully bow out of situations that call for me to do that is why I am called "Roach Cunt" .

I will delete this in two seconds but it's incredible to me that Big Bubba prison sex jokes are still a thing while Darfur region exists.

If I must die, I ask that it be at the hands of Lorne.

Absolutely unbearable. This news is not only devastating to comedy fans, but also any one who has a decent fucking human soul. In light of this, I can only offer my shoulders to cry on.

Sorry, deleted. Stupid of me.

I hate people. Very, very deeply. I hate them. I don't have enough words to describe how much I just. Fucking. Hate. People.

No notes! // Jokesmike on Twitter #ModCloth #catlovers #cutecats #catmemes #relatable

Jill and I wish Muslim communities here at home and around the world a blessed and prosperous month. Ramadan Kareem!

The reason dating has become so crazy in 2016 is that there's basically two kinds of daters. There are Wheel of Fortune daters and Jeopardy daters. And if you are a Jeopardy dater, going on a date with a Wheel of Fortune dater, you are not going to vibe. End of story. After Midnight

Just tested positive for Covid-19 eight times in a row. Fuck this pandemic, and fuck everyone who ever thought it was funny to say that the virus is good.

Another dream of mine, thrown into the garbage. Who gives a shit.

Starting a group DM. Just a place to offer collaborative workshopping, Stat boosting, and general support. Contact me if you're interested and serious.