there’s no way I could ever drink enough to be a bachelor contestant and I can’t eat rice so that leaves survivor out. what reality show can I star in help

you know that feeling after you write a song and you feel like you’ve given birth

why is this my new favorite album music.apple.com/us/album/on-ho…

why do Lyft and Uber drivers literally never smile in their photos like it’s fine you can look like you’re happy sometimes

nicki is baaaaaack music.apple.com/us/album/do-we…

i need a mashupof this an Fall Out Boy's hum halleluiah stat music.apple.com/us/album/emo-g…

shower thoughts from a writer: we list pronouns as “she/her,” “he/him,” and “they/them.” does anybody use “she/him,” “he/them,” etc? like as a subject I’m X but as an object I’m X

my desk is happening

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subbing at a high school today and the kids thought I was a student so good news I still look young

this week’s bachelor is weeeeeeeeeird

I hope the women on the bachelor revolt and marry each other instead of Clayton

gabby 4 bachelorette

shayne from #LoveIsBlind looks like a fish that ran into a sea witch that put him in a human skin and he washed ashore and wound up on this show

me when I write a really good song but all of the people I want to sing it to are asleep

I’ll never understand dog people

for months I have been struggling to communicate to doctors that there’s something wrong with me. all my tests are “perfect.”

who’s writing jesse palmers lines