I saw 11:11 on the clock today, but do I get the spiritual points since I haven't changed that clock yet? Also, same clock, 1 hour later I saw 12:11. I should get at least partial credit for one of them.

Radar Lover came on the radio, and I heard the line, "Keeping an eye on the sky". When I was little, there were all these signs saying, "Speed enforced by airplane". We looked constantly, but never saw one. Let's settle this: has anyone ever been pulled over by an airplane?

"What bad has mass immigration to Europe ever done for us?" - "The raping?" "What?" - "The raping" "Oh yeah yeah. They do rape an awful lot that’s true yes." - "And the welfare costs" - "Oh yes the welfare costs, Rich. The unemployment benefits alone." "Ok, I will grant

So, I'm only on the Enterprise because my Uncle is an Admiral for Starfleet, but I need someone to explain this to me like I am a Pakled. Why are we containing the antimatter? Everyone is always saying that we need more energy. Antimatter makes energy! When I bring it up,

Three chords and the truth.

I'm starting think that this Nick Fuentes guy might not be a satire account after all.

I keep seeing these commercial online for $21 a month health insurance from something called healthcare.gov. You only have to pay an extra $2,000 per month in taxes for me to get it. Sounds like a good deal, for me.

"How old are you?" It's a complicated age. If I am out and about doing things, I 'm 30. If I just woke up, I'm 50. If I just got up after sitting in a chair typing for 4 hours, I'm 70.

This is the best transparent tape I've ever not seen.

I just informed that Zedaya is marrying Batman. I thought this whole time that she was dating Spiderman. I don't care either way, but I am confused that Microsoft didn't force this information into my brain earlier considering their previous behavior.

Finally got the full set!

She's wondering if she needs to add more lights before "decorating the tree". We're only at 60MW now, so why not? (This is only the family tree. The front window tree is next)

Just went into a restaurant bathroom and a gentleman was straight duecing with the tpilet partition door wide open. Dominance asserted, good sir.

My wife said there are mashed potatos on the stove. I'm no chef, but I think they are undercooked.

I stand corrected

It's my favorite time of year again (Not Christmas, but that's great, too)! It's the season of the lottery being over 1 billion smackers. Lines of people spending rent and gas money, blocking me from my caffeine at the checkout. I love it because these same masses ignore the

The wife produced homemade Thin Mints. Don't tell the Girl Scouts. They'll probably sue.

I am enjoying the new MAHA requirements for pharmie commercials. I just watched a drug ad. I don't know what it is supposed to do, but I am well aware that it can kill me by EITHER anal or scrotal infection.

I got my son a combo sewing machine/embroidery machine. He went to pick it up to take it to the craft room and said, "Ugh, this is really heavy. Father, can you...?" I said, "Son, a man should be able to pick up his own sewing machine".