I haven't lived in Austin for 6 months, and my phone still autocorrects things to "Torchys." My torchys taco love knows no distance.

"I am a functional person." - the husband on house hunters right now. Judging from your pool obsession, I'm not so sure about that, guy.

Ok but why aren't birds called flies?

HELLO MY NAME IS... Nicole and I hate name tags

Dress shorts. They're like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife.

imma get a cat and name it Yeasayer

One of those "come home and sit in the bathtub until the motion light sensor shuts the lights off" days

"We are looking for a sculptor who exhibits great attention to detail"

Man, people in San Francisco sure like sitting in their cars. Oh hey, why does it smell like skunk?

If it wasn't churned in a cave, I want no part of it. #CaveButter

When Life Gives You Lemons, You Paint That Shit Gold #Atmosphere #NowPlaying ♫ spoti.fi/12phnNT

A far cry from San Francisco in the people/sq ft department. @ Cloudcap Overlook-Crater Lake instagram.com/p/BIIugxqAP7P/

A seagull just shat inches from my lunch. When in #sf, guard your tacos, people. instagram.com/p/BJleoq2hQDS/

Really mad at Dave Matthews rn for ruining the words "the space between."

All these CAPTCHA codes got me wondering if maybe I AM a robot after all.

Shout out to anyone who had a hard time getting your head through the right hole of your shirt this morning. Today is yours.

Grimace was last seen at Dodger Stadium on 7/18/12 dancing to Ram Jam's 1977 classic, Black Betty. In case you were wondering. #mcdonalds

lady on the phone thought I said my email address is "Juno.com" instead of "Gmail.com" ...makin me wonder what year it is...

Thanks for the music, Frightened Rabbit. And thanks, Scott, for being open in… instagram.com/p/W8Hrk-jJdn/?…