But he owns the phrase “Johnny Football.” Because "Johnny Bench" was taken.

Free and Available Tinder Bio: “Got Shingles and Ready to Mingles”

Rocking Florida this week with live shows. My buddy Brian Hicks is opening the show all week!!! Already hit South Bend, Ft.Lauderdale, St.Petersburg. Tonight is Jacksonville, and Melbourne tomorrow!

Looks like it might rain....

We're about 90 seconds from Trump tweeting "On my way to South Bend! Stay strong!"

Super special thank you to Michael Carbonaro for letting me tag along and open the shows these last couple weeks...you are the best! Great crowds, awesome fans!!!

I hope I'm not the only person at Easter Mass dressed as Arya Stark.

I use to think disco balls were magical, now I know it’s all done with mirrors.

OMG 100th Episode Special!! THURSDAY JUNE 6th 10/9c on @trutv

American Airlines tried to charge me $50 more to sit next to my wife. Joke’s on them. I don’t want to sit next to my wife.

The answer is YES! My pal Brian Hicks IS opening for the show tonight! The Wilbur #boston !!

She should just tell Pence he gets two and a half minutes, that’s how long he speaks anyway!

TOUR IS ON! (Truth) Tix: michaelcarbonaro.com

Tomorrow November 21st Zanies Chicago and Zanies Rosemont December 26th. Come see me not know what I'm doing!

Hey Bills Mafia! I'm giving you a chance to win this new New Era Cap Buffalo Bills hat. Do these 3 things for your chance to win- 1- Follow Stu McCallister 2- Follow Put Steve Tasker in the Hall of Fame 3- RT this post. I'll pick a winner Thurs. Good luck and go Bills! #BillsMafia #buffalobills

Secrets out. Their experiment is complete. Come see me in Vegas! Thur-Sun at 8. Penn Jillette & Teller Tickets: MichaelCarbonaro.com

Presale Live at 10am. Code:GNOME Link: MichaelCarbonaro.com

Discount AI portraits available