i have access to all of these and pay $0, develop some meaningful relationships for once in your life and you can do anything

If you wore anything that wasn’t vaguely business casual these two took you out behind the barn and gave you the Old Yeller Special

I can’t sit through a movie but can watch four hours of tiktok. Is that a good sign?

‘i have to go’ - serena van der woodsen

i think my most misogynistic belief, and i apologize in advance, is that i’ve noticed that, and again i am sorry to say this, sometimes women don’t finish their cans of sparkling water as frequently as men do.

What’s also insane to me is that when women OUTEARN their partners, their share of the housework goes up.

Suriya Bonaly landing the one-footed backflip in Nagano, with an injured Achilles tendon, as a middle finger to the judges. Twitter would have crashed that day

that's a pisces

i actually think it's funny to break a $42,000 piece of art and if i were koons i'd pick up the pieces, put them inside another little dipshit balloon dog and then sell that for more

i have a better idea.....

buy a ticket to my and ellory smith’s show in san diego this sunday and i will shout you out on twitter and instagram cameo-style! get your tickets now! micdropcomedy.com/shows/204338

micdropcomedy.com/shows/204338?f… this weekend! San Diego! Famous funnilingus alum ellory smith and i can be your long lost pal split an hour at MicDrop

news anchor covering the car chase referring to the driver as “he OR she” happy women’s history month we did it