tell me where i can have a backyard and reliable public transportation and i will move immediately

looks like i have been putting this off for the exact right amount of time

mmm smells like winter (i just turned my heat on for the first time)

just found out my boss is from detroit and also loves eminem.. i am finally free to be my full authentic self

weird how “salad” is sometimes just one ingredient mixed with mayonnaise

no longer doing emotional labor for men and if u ask if of me i will be sending a venmo request at a rate of $100/hr. thank you!

i can’t justify paying $600 for blink 182 tickets until they promise not to play any matt songs

Excuse me, are these apples and bananas? I ordered eeples and baneenees

big don would be proud 🥹 #missyou

wow my IG meme crush just started a band with the lead singer from all american rejects… i love the internet

should i just delete twitter? i do love a boycott and i’m pretty much out of jokes

i hope blue ivy grows up to expose the illuminati

i hate that “please don’t show up here without my permission” is something i have to say more than once

this is the last straw, i’m moving

i’m tired of letting men ruin things i enjoy so therefore i am BACK ON TWITTER

i’m just gonna say it… cocaine makes y’all bad dancers

“can you bring prince?” is my love language

does anyone wanna fall in love and split rent? doesn’t have to be long term

if i’m being honest i think a little part of me just quit my job cuz i couldn’t imagine being indoors all summer