I told my therapist about the most recent Hasan drama and he tried to kill me with a gun

Taking bets now on what lasts longer: government shutdown vs people talking about a dog collar

Thought about going to see a movie tonight and a ticket, a drink, and a popcorn was gonna cost $52, of course I paid it as is my duty to the economy. I just wish there were some way to figure out why this industry is struggling

Some of yall will do anything other than make fun content people want to watch

How much fiber I gotta eat to projectile shit over the ropes onto this guy? Dr. Mehmet Oz

Not going to twitchcon this year because I think they should ban affiliates like me from attending

I wont pay to watch an AI actor but I'll empty my bank account to watch Paul Schrader be locked in a room until he can name 10 actors under 50

Yooo they got grippers at the getty

I actually think the world has been TOO kind to Italians

Were not getting another mossbag tweet til 2030

Theres not a hole in my body that isnt EBT eligible

The time has come to call every 80+ year old senator and pretend to be a grandkid they can't remember

If I keep the same insurance plan my costs will go from $8/month to $130/month but thank god this will help in the midterms

Rams out here making Sam Darnold look like Sam Darnold

Dying a preventable death just to stop the calls from health insurance companies

Tim Sweeney pisses and shits in a diaper for the texture

"I didnt get to be a musician so im helping build a world where nobody can"

poison pilling your great grandma's data set to make her woke

Its day 4 of fishmas and day 1 of me remembering to tweet about it

My luck with Spectrum has finally run, like the 15th time my internet has gone out in 2 months