bored

halfway convinced there’s a bunch of influencers on here pushing phish merch

I’ve never hooked up with a female friend bc all of mine are

“911, what’s your emergency?” me: “hi I think my boobs are shrinking?”

I will say whatever it takes to get free vibes

too sleepy and lazy to get out of bed and put a shirt on

spread my legs

it is a truth universally acknowledged that pilots are sluts

aaron rodgers may be # 12 on the field but he’s # 1 in my heart

RIP queen

break up with your gf I’m bored 😜

all I want is a nice see-through mesh bra is that so much to ask

shaved my legs just to feel something

<sees all my exes’ new gfs are functioning adults> “yea well I’m hotter than all of those bitches”

same

yaaasssss

a queen 👸🏼

<sees couple account on fb> ok, who cheated

not all heroes wear — you get it

are you a hot dog vendor in the dark or are you just happy to see me 🐢☁️