Girlfriend: I need to learn how to make this Peking duck! Tastes so yummy! Dad: Oh it’s very easy. Just roast it like you would normally but open one of its eyes before you do so! #DadJokes

Passing a field with sheep grazing by bales of hay. Dad points at the bales and says “Hey!!!” #DadJokes

The price of owning a faulty jetpack is going through the roof. #DadJokes

Been trying to work out why my pen isn’t working all day and it’s just clicked… #DadJokes

What do you call a fly with no wings? A walk #DadJokes

What did the Japanese man say to the Japanese woman? I dunno. I don’t speak Japanese. #DadJokes

A mate of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid. When I quizzed him on it he reckoned he could stop any time…. #DadJokes

A middle-aged man asked the personal Trainer in the gym: “IF I wanted to impress that beautiful girl, which machine should I use?” The Trainer smiling replies: ” The ATM machine outside the gym #DadJokes

Why is it that when we post something by road we call it shipping but when we send something by ship we call it cargo? #DadJokes

What’s the difference between one yard and two yards? A fence. #DadJokes

What does a houseboat become when it grows up? A township. #DadJokes

Daughter: I think I’m having a growing spurt Dad: Must be because your sleeping in so long #DadJokes

What did the daddy sheep say to the mummy sheep? I love ewe #DadJokes

I spotted a tiger at the zoo yesterday… It looks like a leopard now. #DadJokes

What did the salt say to the pepper? “Hey baby, what’s shakin!!” #DadJokes

Dad picks up a 1 kg block of regular cheese and a 1 kg block of light cheese. He weighs them in his hands and announces “This one is no lighter than that one, that’s false advertising” (and I quietly move to another aisle in the supermarket). #DadJokes

Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it is very dark. #DadJokes

“One day, when I was very young, my family and I were getting ready to leave the house. I was being bratty and uncooperative so I had this conversation with my dad: Me: Daddy, daddy, daddy, put my shoes on! Dad: I don’t think they’d fit me, Joey.” #DadJokes

I’ve just spent the past hour chasing a daddy long legs around my house… Then I realised I had a crack in my glasses!! #DadJokes

Where does the general keep his armies? Up his sleevies! #DadJokes