Love having a best friend from Chicago I learn so much every day

they hated him because he was right

“There was a famine in Ireland”

Stop saying iykyk I don't know anything about anything my brain is simply like this at all times

Wait I thought he died

male cult leader: I have received a new revelation from the lord
me: let me guess, he wants you to have multip—
cult leader: I am to have multiple wives

i understand the need to coach proper grammar and pronunciation in young children but i would have been cold in the ground before i corrected my child when he still called strawberries “straw bellies”

Today it was 78 degrees Fahrenheit in Central Pennsylvania and the heat in my office is 'stuck' on so by noon it was 81 at my desk and 3 of my coworkers still had their space heaters on all day which resulted in an accounts payable versus payroll brawl with several fatalities

obsessed with my fyp

I was at a craft fair yesterday and I overheard a man say to his wife in a tone that conveyed no less than 6 emotions, Please no more potholders.

I've heard people refer to PA as Midwestern before but had never seen part included on an official map which I assume was dictated by the ghost of Rand McNally. Finally I understand my penchant for pretzel salad. My Midwestern tendencies are no longer a mystery.

Betsy Ross ass snake

gossip girl is the perfect background show when ur home alone bc it’s like ok there are girls gossiping here. i’m safe

My awful cousin has been arrested for … of all things… horse theft. Pioneer ass crime. Little house on the prairie ass crime.

plz know i’m cuter funnier and smarter than most of u bc i gestated in the womb for nearly two years like an elephant and all the doctor told my mom was 'idk some of them just cook longer”

can’t. just learned about this panda that grimaces when she breaks bamboo because she had no panda teachers and noticed humans making that face every time they broke some bamboo for her.