We try so hard to be nice people but then shoppers block us in the supermarket and our good intentions vanish quicker than politicians in a crisis.

More skin trials! This one is to test sensitivity for ingredients in sanitary pads and nappies.

Fun fact we learned today: Sertraline causes a false positive for benzodiazepine in your urine. We discovered this during a random drug test for a clinical study. None of the medical staff knew this was even possible.

*sees cyclist behind me, looking at his phone, texting.* Brain "we have the chance to do something hilarious." *Cyclist still looking at phone.* Brain "he'll go right over the roof. Brake now. Now!" Rational brain "insurance is high enough cos of speeding fines." Fun brain *sobs*

A dog walker who KNOWS our dogs hate his, see us, says "oh sorry I didn't know anyone was here" (behind a building) then decides to walk his dog RIGHT FUCKING PAST us! Turn around, you fucking idiot! We need a new plague. Why are other dog walkers so outrageously stupid?

Next door's crotch goblin cries & screams all hours (the creature is 2) & his dad is so fucking loud. Yet has the gall to bang on the wall the rare occasion our dog barks. Here. Have a metal version of Lux Aeterna at full volume. And go fuck yourself 🖕🏻🖕🏻

Fun Sertraline withdrawal effect - pain spasms. Like electric currents in the muscles. Chiro tutor insisted I phone the GP. 😂😂😂😂😂 GP didn't warn of withdrawal symptoms, suggested dropping from 50mg to 0 & said not to call again.

Walked to work, only to find the meeting had been cancelled & they didn't tell us. On my walk home, I was then stung by a wasp on my bad knee. Pain was so excruciating I had to phone for a lift home. 4 hours later, I still can't walk. And now have to teach pole 😭

A Tesco driver cuts me up on the A470 then immediately drives below the speed limit yet when I overtake him, shakes his head like I'M the problem! Sir, if I wasn't late, I'd force you into the hard shoulder and imprint the speed limit on with my emergency hammer.

Some twatburger tried to cut me up going through town. Listen bitch, I've been off my meds for weeks. I'm. Not. Nice. Anymore. So I sped up & he was forced to drive on the bus lane. See how that £35 fine tastes tomorrow

Never EVER use Yodel Not only have they smashed TWO items I sold, you cannot get hold of a human to speak to. Webchat cuts you off & the phone number literally tells you where your parcel is & doesn't give other options. Horrendous company.

We were strolling along to one of our chair jobs, Lynx in her long black coat, Cat in her red tartan coat & a little girl shouts out, "look, mummy, they're dressed like Halloween." Kid, we ARE Halloween.