Rome wasn't built in a day- Chuck Norris was obviously somewhere else at the time.

Chuck Norris flosses his teeth with barbed wire and uses pepper spray for mouthwash.

Chuck Norris knows Victoria's Secret.

In school, Chuck Norris put "violence" down for every answer on math tests and always got 100% because he solves all problems with violence.

The quickest way to a man's heart? Chuck Norris' fist.

Chuck Norris can pee his name in concrete. Permanently.

Chuck Norris can pee his name in concrete. Permanently.

Chuck Norris once got three women pregnant at once- during a conference call.

Chuck Norris once ate his own birthday cake completely before his friends could warn him there was a stripper inside.

When Chuck Norris throws a grenade, everyone near the blast radius dies. Then the grenade explodes.

Death once had a near Chuck Norris experience.

If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.

"Time waits for no man." Unless that man is Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris DOESN'T love Raymond.

Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.

Climbed Mt. Everest barefoot- carrying two Sherpas on his back.

Death once had a near Chuck Norris experience.

A few guys tried to follow Chuck Norris during a light workout while he was vacationing in Hawaii. It's now called the Ironman Triathlon.

Chuck Norris runs until the treadmill gets tired.

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