I'm starting to think my entire life of not picking up on hints from girls was written by M. Night Shyamalan.

Who did it better? #Halloween3 Susanna Hoffs

Kyle Orton never be like the real Cowboy Bob Orton

Richard Sherman intelligent Jew #Seahawks

I'm afraid to wish people a happy Holy Thursday, in case they don't worship Thor.

There should have been way more 1 Guy 1 Jar reaction videos.

Thinking of trying this new Boko Haram dating site. Anyone have any luck with it?

Please stop posting photos of #MayaAngelou where she looks like she has to take a painful massive dump. It's disrespectful.

The NBA should probably remove calcium and Vitamin D from its list of performance-enhancing drugs.

Paige has beaten AJ for the title twice in a row with me in attendance. She owes me at least a boob grab. #SummerSlam #goodluckcharm

First lumberjack match I've seen in person since 6-26-82 (Bob Backlund vs. Cowboy Bob Orton at the Spectrum). #SummerSlam

@Pukosworld I'll take what I can get.

Despite the absence of Curt Hennig, that was the perfect pay-per-view. Best WWE show I've attended in my 32 years of fandom. #SummerSlam

#ALS is the #BrockLesnar of diseases. It conquered The Streak.

Assholes have turned Breast Cancer Awareness Month into Ebola Awareness Month. Well done!

Remember when you were 3 and found out how Halloween is spelled so you stopped pronouncing it Holloween?

One time I told Stan Musial that I wanted to be a ballplayer when I grew up. One of my biggest regrets in life is lying to Stan Musial.

My favorite ironic unit of currency is the Vietnamese dong.

I'm always disappointed when I watch #WWE and there's a contract-signing and the cigarette doesn't powerbomb Amanda Green through a table.

#Prayers4NoMoreReligion