Procedure for being unthanked for door holding: 1. Keep eyes fixed on culprit 2. Say you're welcome 3. Shake head 4. Mutter "unbelievable"

Do you require a 'cat or dog flap' to be installed in your door.... or perhaps you have a cat / dog flap that is... fb.me/6GWbJYNgl

Wait for it, wait for it, steady now, keep calm, breathe, focus... *Train door button illuminates* NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I think Lemmy needs a full clinical assessment and a multidisciplinary care plan possibly with a referral to social services #Glasto2015

RIP rowdy roddy piper

"Not to worry!" - Translation: You've ruined everything

This is so true 😂👌

Boris must be well chuffed

Watson and Corbyn: The early years.

Being unable to say these without sounding sarcastic: 1. That's great 2. Good for you 3. Have fun 4. Fascinating 5. Thanks for that

"Scruffy, old-fashioned, weak": Nuneaton focus groups' verdict on Corbyn The Independent independent.co.uk/voices/jeremy-…

More lies and negativity one assumes.

Dog chat: 1. He/she's lovely! 2. Name? 3. What breed? 4. How old? -end-

Me right now

Some people hope the #Munich gunmen are white Christians, others hope they're brown Muslims. This is exactly what's wrong with our world.