July 4th freakend 💥 I’m tryna consort with an accomplished woman including a bedroom aspect

We need a National Strategic Candy Reserve to protect our access to candy in a changing world

mood

summer

That fleeting but powerful feeling of “why the fuck do I live here” as you take the subway home Grand Central or Penn Station after a long weekend

is this true Grok

tallulah 🪺🫧🦔 From the National Gallery of Canada in Ottawa

Why is flushing paper towels and hygiene products in a small business so fucking fun

Every time I eat somewhere with an open kitchen I just spend the whole meal thinking “god that job fucking sucks”

old people who can barely hear blasting some bullshit on tv while you talk to them is universal

I have a solution: everyone writes down everything they eat/drink and self-publishes it annually

most accurate known depiction of Grandma's House

all-timer

Grandma always said keep $52 billion in your pocket so if you see a pretty girl and want to buy her a lemonade

*smiling at the barista as I tip 10%* check your account baby I just spoiled you

You know you’re old when you start enjoying: - tuna salad - furniture shopping - “just shutting my eyes for a second”

New favorite thing is saying “we’re both fit, healthy guys…” during small talk

オオサンショウウオいた

this has been making me laugh for legit days