Machine would like to share our 2018 roster, and give you 3 chances to win a new Machine disc by matching current players to their childhood photos! Rules: chicago-machine.com/news-archive/2… Direct link to the match game: sporcle.com/games/machineu… Retweet for a chance to win!

Woman is returning a squash to Trader Joe's "it wasn't bad, I just didn't like the texture. It was too squishy" Squash. Like from "squish squash". They returned half a squash.

Things I've done since this Southwest Airlines call started: woke up, showered, made breakfast, ate breakfast, packed, going over the river and through the woods to grandmother's house we go

Hey Panera Bread, stop selling over priced soups and handing out stickers that don't come off cars.

Please don't make this foul mouthed hashtag trend #PresidentPussyAssBitch

Obama's complaints about Republicans stopping his agenda are BS since he had full control for two years. He can never take responsibility.

It’s Thursday. How many people have lost their healthcare today?

It's simple: Individuals who are ‘extremely careless’ w/ classified info should be denied further access to it. spkrryan.us/29Cz47v

Moving on to thinking of improvements for this gym. More relaxing knowing they can't be fixed by drawing a diagram on the floor.

.Hodag Ultimate RIP SB2KMayo

Only in Chicago do you see a guy snort drugs in your rear view mirror while on LSD

@frisbeebob If you're standing somewhere smiling, I'm calling the medics.

Ladies and gentlemen, presenting Ross Barker m.youtube.com/watch?v=CyuEXk… #Callahan2017

Times are CST. Because obvi x.com/cgeppert/statu…

I...worked on this story for a year...and...he just...he tweeted it out.

What does @frisbeebob think the over/under on how many years before mpfptpftmfpt incorporates Chicago Nemesis's warm-up

Trump said we’ve never seen anything like this before. ON. THE. ANNIVERSARY. THAT. KATRINA. HIT. NEW. ORLEANS. TO. THE. DAY.

Dressed fancy for work today and suited up. Hodag Ultimate