type of shit that happens at work when you’re already having a terrible day

I hate those fucking matte black wedding rings that tech guys wear

Unfortunately the movie you want to watch is unavailable on your 13 streaming services You can rent it for $2.99 though

Bottom left ate his whole family up... its so exhausting being the celebrity of the family

Woke is so back

the concept of a pop crave exclusive

An all-timer

annually, 10 days before the Oscars, film twitter essentially does their version of the salem witch trials

16 year old niece just asked me for Britney recs for her dance competition solo this is the greatest moment of a gay uncle’s life

adult springtime is so specific. you wake up one random morning with a completely unexplained urge to clean everything, throw out every sad sock you own, and put on the playlist that defined your teenage years. four hours later you are standing in a clean house feeling like a new

Sometimes this is exactly how it feels to be in the TSA line when they’re yelling out the new rules for the day

adults are supposed to reckon with this feeling — the sense that the world was whole, sensible, and suffused with meaning in childhood and no longer is — by reading novels and thinking about death and cultivating some irony about life. I suspect these guys don't do those things.

how to apologize to me:

Costco, of all places. Sir, you are shopping in a warehouse. If you're pulling a shrink wrapped 10-pack of chicken broth off a wooden palette this is arguably exactly how you dress for the occasion

I love the fortnight before the Oscars where the discourse starts to take an almost surrealist turn

Remote employees at 2:13 PM after replying "sounds good" to 6 emails

The idea of a 62-year-old man having his staff generate an AI ghost of George Washington and then broadcasting himself having an emotionally traumatic conversation with it. We're probably the first generation that will need to put content controls on our parents' devices lmao

I know it’s passé but this is the kinda thing some lady in Ohio needed to hear to finally file for divorce so it’s whatever

EMULATE. EMULATE. Why are we all illiterate now