I clean my apartment before a flight so if the plane crashes whoever goes there is like, man he really had his shit together. What a shame.

New album sold exclusively at Starbucks called 'Room For Barry?'

A good friend just sent me a sincere, heartfelt text. It really meant a lot. Gonna reply in a couple hours.

A baby. This is insane.

Hey, I don't know if you believe in fate but I noticed your bumper sticker and I thought you should know, I'm also looking for the beef.

As a suffering Toronto sports fan I used to to take solace in the fact that at least I didn't live in Cleveland. Now Cleveland's here.

Saw a cashmere scarf for $550. Next to it was a cashmere sweater for $400. Gonna start a business making cashmere scarfs out of sweaters

It's like the whole country was having the greatest house party and then Shapiro showed up, took the booze and told the DJ to leave.

As long as knuckleball pitchers are still a thing, my MLB dream lives on.

Farmer tans are nature's plain white t-shirt

If you stand still on a sidewalk in Toronto they'll turn you into a condo

I'll never know the feeling of breastfeeding a hungry baby but I bet it's a lot like plugging in a phone on 1% battery

Ready for game 5! If they lose we're gonna chuck so much beer #ourmoment

Shoutout to all the crossing guards working at intersections with traffic lights. Don't let them win.

Comedians that fake laugh really loud at the back of shows terrify me

Filing taxes feels like handing in a book report about a novel I didn't understand

Me: I'd like to pitch a TV show... CBC: We're not interested Me: It's about Anne of Green Gables CBC: We'll start filming Monday

Big raccoon fight in front of my building. It's officially spring in the 6ix!

One take

Ambition x.com/MarkIacolina/s…