amelia earhart ate seafood boil until she died like elvis

all i want is a sweet little puppy thats into hardcore

xcel said my energy usage is poor brother i live in a shoe box i have One lamp

i have so many cousins if they all went to the same gas station theyd sell out of keychains

frick my stupid chungus life its been chopped for too long im cooked

“alexa play piano man by chili bowl”

jacob frey used to make everyone take their socks off at his apartment and kiss the women on both cheeks i know this for a fact through an anonymous source

instead of saying “thats my 9/11” i say “thats my 35W”

they brought the quesarito so maybe i am supposed to be alive

i hate being demisexual

unc son or chopped daughter

the only way to not have impure thoughts is to have no thoughts at all…

when the bartender bullies you like a sibling it really takes the fun out of everything

“vet tech isnt blue collar” then why am i at home depot with the company card

zadye only wants me for road dome and they cant even drive

sorry zadye i cant give you road dome im too busy making diet coke chicken

cmon its only a hop skip n a bus ride to morts

mona lisa never did a money spread tho

my baddie lies over the ocean my baddie lies over the sea

i wonder how many other subaru’s are playing geese in the uptown area