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Can I just sage everything?

Chase her. Chase her even when she's already yours

thoughts like tendrils curl round my throat

Some goodbyes are good for your growth.

You're what my fucking life, has been waiting for....

Disappear if you have to.

Starting to regret that long ass nap I took earlier

I keep seeing “positions of the day” like any of you are having sex consistently enough to try any of them.

The day’s word is “meow.” Use it wisely.

i hope this email is an unbearable burden

Just sneezed and threw my back out. Happy fucking Wednesday to me!

you can eat any mushroom once

you turn 30 and the whole squad starts talking about taking magnesium

Anything can be a conspiracy if you’re fucking stupid

Once you hit a certain age, your default setting becomes “meh” for pretty much everything.

Remember to always be yourself. Unless yourself is an asshole. Then, be like someone else who isn't an asshole.

When two people are arguing online, I believe whoever spells correctly.

"Awkward silences are the worst" *Someone, inventing the kazoo... probably

Everyone’s a badass until there’s a bug on them.

Nice try unknown number. I barely answer the phone for people I do know.