[Bedroom] Me: let's role play Her: mmm okay, I'll be a nurse ;) Me: *hands her 12-sided dice* no you have to roll and distribute your attribute points accordingly

Someone please take the Tobasco away from me. I'm embarrassing myself

damn Bayonetta 3 looks good

Self-Portrait #GodofWar

interviewer: it says here you suffer from short term memory loss me: that's news to me

THIS IS THE BEST NEWS OMG 😍

jesus: dude gimme the knife dude lemme- surgeon: jesus no

When you're emotionally drained but the show must go on

my sitcom

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Why some patients are terribly rude to their nurse before their surgery I'll never understand. I can't even tell a waiter my order is wrong, these people are fearless.

this valentines day, remember that mark zuckerberg sees every nude you send through facebook messenger with his empty fish eyes

Emotional status: still not over Red Dead Redemption 2

me when i was 10 pretending i was dead in the pool to see if anyone would care

No one : Cats :

I haven’t been on Twitter in FOREVER. How do I work this app?