Download a bollywood torrent link and suddenly my ads are "These Asian women (with super big tits) desperately want you!"

You know you're dating a fellow nerd when you fight over who gets to use the second monitor. :]

girl: "After the new skilift site is done, let's take a fun break." boy: "okay, like what?" /long pause girl: "We both forgot what fun is"

"What do you mean you don't get your news from Comedy Central?! D: "

girl unexpectedly DD with only a truck to drive -> car's owner: Oh my god, you're making my truck look bad. That diesel truck is beating us!

The thing is, I don't really like answering questions about myself. Which is why it takes me 7 months till my next haircut....

After hitting my "funny" bone 5 times today, I'm convinced someone has a voodoo doll of me somewhere...

g: What do you want to do for your bday? b: Movie? g: I like movies more than you do. b: Would you play video games with me all day?

g: Eww, eggnog. It's raw liquid egg. b: No it isn't. It's delicious. Let's get it correct.

boy looks in bathroom trash and says to girl: "I really don't know how you aren't bald by now."

boy: "I have willpower, I just choose not to use it."

girl: "What do you mean do I want to see the hanging dead elk in the shed? Do you know me?" /runs away

Whenever my small dog tries to jump on the couch and misses, I laugh really hard. Perhaps I'm kinda an evil person.

boy: "You keep accidentally giving me your sword." girl: "I suppose that's why we haven't beaten the Boss yet..."

It's funny to see people here wipe the snow off their cars with their hands because they don't have the proper equipment in their trunk. TX!

"Hey Chini, can you catch?" "Not really." /boy throws keys - keys land on roof "Besides not being able to catch, I'm also not that tall."

"Dude, there aren't any letters in your signature."

Enter Ashley Fine Blogaversary Giveaway! onefinea.com/2013/06/happy-…

girl: "Will you finish my celery while I'm gone?" boy: "Eww." girl: "Please." boy: "I have peanut butter, but no ants for the celery!"

Guy pulls out sandwich at movie theater. Feeling safe, I pull out the garlic rice and chicken tikka I smuggled in. Share or I tell, he says!