To spontaneously combust 🙏

Just have a quick check of how that order is getting on. Cannae be too far away n- Oh my god new sweater, WHAT DID YOU DO??

Joey Ramone, gone but not forgotten.

And here was me thinking the bitchy gay was just an unhelpful stereotype. Put them claws away you sassy twink.

Really sad about #cathrineohara. What an effortless genius man. Her, John Candy, Rick Moranis, Dan Ackroyd, Eugene Levy - Canada doesn't get enough credit for the absolute comedy powerhouses it produced. 🇨🇦

If AJ Styles has really retired, he deserves massive credit. Not just for his in ring ability, but for refusing to give up on The Rachel haircut long after even Jennifer Aniston herself had abandoned it.

I commented under video of Jelly Roll's sanctimonious bollocks at the #GRAMMYs"Shut your Jelly Hole" and honestly I think Jesus would've got more of a kick outta that cos I've had a squint at the bible and I read him as pretty chill.

Recap of the bold Anas Sarwar wielding all his influence and political capital within the Labour to affect real change on behalf of Scotland yesterday 👇

Spotted my old therapist in a cafe today. Weird one that. Just did this.

They're all gone, don't you understand?! There's no-one else! There were loads & now their just...gone. *Increasingly panicked* It's only you. You're the only one left! God you're going to have to have so many babies! Me, making Rihanna feel like she's the only girl in the world

Wow what an crushing gotcha, Instant career ender. Watergate eat your heart out. Move over Epstein Files. This. Is. Huge. How can you expect to govern fairly in modern America without a full appreciation of the 15th century origin of horses?? This woman must be stopped!

It's difficult to understate just how little of a shit I give what various columnists thought of the new Wuthering Heights, please stop attempting to tell me.

No harm to him, and I absolutely might be 100% wrong, but the only way Yungblud could seem more like an industry plant to me is if a bunch of guys in suits came out and literally watered him once or twice a week.

Andrew 1st Royal arrested since Charles I 😬 Better hope he suffers same fate & after time in exile is restored to his place. *Advisor whispers* Really? Who am I thinking of? * Whispers* The 2nd? What happened to the 1st then? * Whispers* Yikes. Good luck wi that, weirdo.

I've always been inexplicably confident in my ability to easily handle Russell Crowe should he start his shit around me. Always. Even when he was mega cut for Gladiator and I was 16, I backed myself for some reason 👊

Final Fantasy VII & Donkey Kong Country.

Quiz question for #JamieFoxx, one of these white dudes uses the racial slurs cos he has a chronic neurological condition that causes involuntary outburst and one of them chooses to do it every seven seconds for like 11 movies because he fuckin feels like it. Which is which, mate?

No harm to him but you could've asked that lad with the scarf if he wanted a cup of tea and his answer would've somehow lost 5 points. (Still smarter than me tho) #UniversityChallenge