Why does everybody want to fly? If I could pick a superpower it would be the ability to eat absolute garbage with no repercussions.

First skull! 💀 Surely I must be cool now that I have words upcoming in HAD. My 4yo is shaking her head. (Thanks Julián Martinez!)

Thrilled to make my Points in Case debut with this one dedicated to those on a crusade to ban books. Us authors really need the exposure. pointsincase.com/articles/pleas…

After telling our 3yo she cannot have a third hot chocolate she has now refused to "make music" with her "voice" for us.

Dreamt I was behind on two assignments. I haven't even signed up for classes yet. This is going to be a long four years.

everyone who calls it "X" instead of "Twitter" in their bio gets their HAD acceptance rescinded

Me to my 3yo: It's not nice to make up stories. Also me: [Writes fiction]

My 3yo disappointed *again* that I am not an octopus.

3yo: I want to see my friends?! [7 minutes into playdate] 3yo: That's mine! 3yo: When is my turn? 3yo: [incoherent noises]

Me: Do you need help? 3yo: Yes. Me: [Helps] 3yo: I don't need help! Me: Cool, cool.

As a former go-go boy, I'm not sure what's stranger, bringing my wife and kids to Pride events or keeping my shirt on during said events.

So excited to gain my first skull with a story about ... skulls!💀

People: Creative work should always be new. Every 7 seconds: A WWII documentary, novel, movie, and/or podcast is released.

My 4yo told my wife that I am "a really great guy" completely unprompted. If you need me I'll be pretending not to cry in the garage.

Wife: What do we say to dad today? 3 & 4yo in unison: Happy Mother's Day! Me: Thanks.

Can't tell you how many times I've told my 3yo: "Sometimes we need to ask for help." I can, however, tell you how many times I've asked for help. Zero. Zero times.

Listened to Gogol's The Nose during a 3-mile run with a 20 lb vest on because I am a complex character too.

You know Drake is dead when my 4yo is singing "Wop, wop, wop, wop, wop, I'ma do my stuff" on her way into Pre-K.

Me: I can't wait to start my Ph.D. (with a focus on literary humor) First reading assignment: " ... no attention was paid to comedy in its early stages because comedy was not regarded as important ..." - Aristotle Me: Cooooooooool

One of my favorite things about Rhode Island is being able to simply stumble on a beach during a morning run that I never knew existed.