In less ranty news, I’ve also had a press release of pressie ideas for new mum Princess Beatrice. It includes a perineum spray. For use during the royal wee (my gag, not theirs. But they can have it for free)

My six year old has just tried to bribe me with a tenner to get some screen time. Seems like a good deal to me

Fab to spend the last day of half term on a bear hunt with Michael Rosen 💙💙🎓🎓 NICE 爷爷 at the Southbank Centre

Six yr old just went into his Dad’s edit suite and saw he’s working on the #UFC today. "Is that martial arts and crafts?”

Tomorrow's Daily Express print #travel - a sight for Thor eyes. Checking out the amazing new Avengers Campus at Disneyland Paris with Amy Packer and Fred

The six year old, after a week at a French campsite without the internet: “Why isn’t there wifi if it’s a mobile home?”

Has Twitter decided that all it wants to show you is tweets from newly bereaved parents and families - or is it saving that joy just for me? Every time I open the app the top tweet is something totally devastating

If anyone is wondering how my Mother’s Day panned out, my 7 yr old invited me to watch him play tennis in our local park and I spotted a red kite. “Wow, I’ve never seen one of those here!” I said as it SHAT ALL OVER MY HEAD

I’ve never actually had a blue tick on Twitter, but I think now might be the time to say how much I’m going to miss mine when it disappears at midnight, just so everyone assumes I am very, very famous and important and blue tick verified. Which I am. Obvs

My Taskmaster obsessed 7yr old: “True or false, Kerry Godliman has farted on TV. Me: “False” 7: “True” Me: “Which show?” 7: *shrugs* “I dunno, but she must have done at some point…”

I headed to Wales to dance at dawn with Charlotte Church at The Dreaming and now spend about 94% of my working day wishing I was back there. Interview with Charlotte on the link, review of the retreat as a screenshot below… mirror.co.uk/3am/celebrity-…

The post-half term back-to-work fug somewhat lifted by finding this in my chocca inbox this morning. Thanks @SilverCloudH #MHWOTY2023 #SilverCloudbyAmwell

8 yr old tucks his arms inside his PJ top. F: “Both my arms have fallen off!” M: “Oh no. Wait a sec & I’ll have a look. I’m very good at fixing things.” F: “Oh my god Mum! That was a test!”<pauses>“If my arms had really fallen off would you have finished making my bagel 1st?”

Will never tire of seeing my travel writing in print - or of punny tabloid headlines mirror.co.uk/travel/asia-mi…