I reached a point where I started re-watching full nights of the 2016 Rio Olympics

Babe, you okay? You’ve barely touched your lava cake

Wishing everyone a very happy locked out of your CRA account season 💕

Can’t wait for the love island reunion show in 20 years which will take place at the London Melanoma centre 💕

This actually IS my first rodeo and i am very scared because the bull looks ANGRY

Crazy how I’m in my late 20s but I’m 32

It’s actually just the guy who killed Jim Davis :(

I’m the worry they told you not to girl about

I have terrible news for you at 8pm central (I’m a news reporter and there was bad news today. Check out the news to see me do it)

Call me crazy but it would actually be super rude to call me crazy you don’t even know me!!!

Back on tinder!! (at Oppenheimer by myself loudly asking every man which war this one is about)

You know what gets me off???? Loving missionary sex with my spouse

Just picked up enough insulin to kill a horse and the pharmacist said “are you diabetic?”

Every day I’m bombarded with opportunity

Is there a Spotify playlist for when you’re giving someone a ride and you want to look cool?

Please do not bother me I have a lot going on (I’m currently ghosting 2 separate people on fb marketplace)

Tired of BRIDEZILLAS who make the day all about them and not about what’s really important which is me looking hot in the pictures

I wish i knew enough about weather patterns to be able to confidently leave the house in a down vest

If I die please finish all the unread New Yorker articles festering in my tabs for me ❤️

Suck it X, ya girl is shit posting on Bluesky now 💅 allieent.bsky.social