i think it’s so beautiful that my city has this tribute to uncircumcised guys 😍

when the movie does something unexpected:

why is the worst person you knew in high school a realtor now?

nothing makes me feel more betrayed than when my left airpod pops out. where you going hun?

pierre poilievre is such a cuck. he can’t wait to see canada get fucked

we’re so close to being able to celebrate the end of dry january by binge drinking all fucked-up february

can the chinese spy keeping tabs on me via tiktok please let me know why my life is like this (bad) ?

yassified for anonymity

tfw your teeth were deported from your gums

your email finds me raising my yayaya

my runway hot takes absolutely no one asked for 🤷‍♀️ open.substack.com/pub/thirsttrap…

him: are you playing mind games? me:

when someone tries to throw me under the bus at work, but i forward the email receipts proving it’s their fault and copy their boss:

cunt rushmore

he better be playing that killer gay

all bad bitches have one to two hundred tabs open on their browser

still thinking about chekhov's vitamix

i lost my virginity at the minecraft mcdonald’s in roku city

if you need me, i’ll be getting my ass ate in the Kirby cyber truck open.substack.com/pub/thirsttrap…