AIRLINE CHECK-IN STAFF: so you’ve got economy, and then above that you’ve got business class KARL MARX: right STAFF: so where would you like to sit on the plane KARL MARX: the what

THE OPENING'S BASED ON THOSE ADS FOR MODERATE TO SEVERE PLAQUE PSORIASIS MEDICATION, AND LITTLE PIECE WAS TRYING TO SAY "MODERATE TO SEVERE" BUT SHE ACCIDENTALLY SAID "MODERATE TAVERE" AND KEPT ROLLING WITH IT, BUT TO TRULY UNDERSTAND MTCS YOU HAVE TO START WITH THE FIRST ALLEYW-

Some LOTR fans: THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE MEDIEVAL EUROPE WHY ARE THERE BLACK PEOPLE??? Me: WHY ARE THERE POTATOES???

REPORTER: Hello I’m from the New York Times, I’m calling about a feature we’re writing about your town MAYOR OF OMELAS: *huge sigh* this is about the kid isn’t it

good morning

Doesn’t flinch.

I genuinely love twitter because the rich and powerful who would traditionally float through life without ever worrying about what the peasants say about them are now utterly compelled to access this information and drive themselves miserably insane over it lol

accidentally-ordered-flatbread-instead-of-Italian-from-Subway kind of day

😳

"younger women do more what younger women do more." this just says this.

You 👏 don’t 👏 owe 👏 your 👏 new 👏 born 👏 baby 👏 any 👏 thing 👏

That crisp ?

Drake DMing Anthony Fantano when he’s like a billionaire is so funny, you can be the biggest artist in the world but one bald dork who likes Death Grips thinks you are boring makes you crazy

Nearly every main British television channel will be airing The Queen's funeral on Monday. Apart from Channel 5 ... who are airing The Emoji Movie.