If North Korea shot off nuclear weapons, would we be looking for shelter or retweeting the photos?

I saw a boob at work today; as a gay man, I was petrified.

I'd rather bash my brains out on a window than watch John Goodman twerk again. #CloverfieldLane

Game of Thrones spoilers: Dear God, Cersei really blowed them all up good! Like, KAAAAAAAA -BOOOOOMMMMM! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I haven't posted in a while. uh... chicken fajitta.

Must.. exercise.... prevent.. body... from turning.... into lazy..!

Trying to decide if boyfriend is going to dump me, I'm insane, or both.

I'll deny it if anyone asks, but I was fondling a knife against my arm earlier. .. so that happened. :(

"I'm waiting for it, that green lite, I want it! But on the isle, be seeing u wherever I go! Come get my things, but I can't let go!" #Truth

I started to jack off in the public library washroom, then stopped. So, that's how my day's been going. #truth #FridayFacts

I never update an App if the entire description is "Bug Fixes". If you won't tell me what's broken, why should I bother?

Woo, I just burned 47 calories! That's enough exercise for the week, I think.

How did I go from having 1 computer to having 5 or 6 computers? ... moving's weird like that.

The singer from The Killers is the same guy from Maroon 5, right?

Why do I feel so empty inside?

I'm very depressed, but I don't know why.

I heard the Ginger & Boots fucked a dead ostrich. #Allegedly

I’m broken. On the inside. :(

Ugh, did I write that? What the hell’s wrong with me!!