Samuel Bilkings of Avanti West Coast discussed this with Bazake Media this morning. 'Initially, we pondered whether we should cage these Northern dogs like the rats they are, but ultimately settled on trying to pacify them with the sublimity of music'

🚨 | BREAKING: Professor Gavin Tilman of University College Borehamwood has claimed that the divorce of Jon Richardson and Lucy Beaumont has sounded the death knell of the institution of marriage in Britain, and that it will die out within five years time. Do you agree? Comment below 👇

🚨 | BREAKING: Greater Manchester Police have widened the Angela Rayner tax investigation into a murder enquiry thanks to a tip-off from an unnamed Labour source.

🚨 | QUESTION: Which Labour front bench politician has been banned from the family home after they were caught visiting a topless barber?

🚨 | BREAKING: Tilda Swinton has signed up to play Russ 'Hardest Geezer' Cook in Sony Pictures biopic chronicling the online influencer's marathon holiday in Africa.

🚨 | BREAKING: In a bid to emulate Jeremy Corbyn's iconic Glastonbury appearance, Sir Keir Starmer will join Toploader on their Summer tour in anticipation for an Autumn general election.

🚨 | BREAKING: It is reported that after seeing this Conservatives post on X (formerly known as Twitter) a Tory press officer, 'started screaming... He stood in the office, just screaming over and over again at his iPhone. It was so bad they thought he was having a breakdown.'

🚨 | BREAKING: Solihull Dunelm Mill employee Maksim Morozov has gone into police hiding after his face went viral on Russian social media because of his resemblance to former Wagner chief, Yevgeny Prigozhin. A Putin spokesman has said the President is 'monitoring' the situation.

🚨 | BREAKING: In an attempt to 'reclaim patriotism from the Hard Right', the Labour Party has pledged to bring in legislation whereby every public building must fly the Union Jack all year round. Offenders may face fixed penalty notices and prison.

🚨 | BREAKING: Jordan Peterson has told a packed Garrick Club that he will join members on hunger strike and 'glue' himself to a 'Chesterfield wingback chair' should the storied gentlemen's club admit female members.

🚨 | BREAKING: A celebrity consortium headed by Kevin Keegan and Barry from EastEnders have invested £10 million into a touring Politics FanZone which will roam the UK in the the run-up to the General Election. 'Expect debates, gunge tanks, and manifesto karaoke.'

🚨 | SPORT: Brazilian footballer 'Endrick' Felipe Moreira de Sousa (born 21 July 2006), adopted his nickname from his favourite football player, Jeff Hendrick.

🚨 | POLITICS: New photographs emerge of Sir Keir Starmer's university days, including a candid shot of him playing the flute in the performance troupe 'Kafkaesque Nightmare'.

🚨 | BREAKING: Palace insiders have revealed that William, Prince of Wales, is 'incandescent with rage' at the controversial updated St. George's Cross on the new England shirt, adding that the honorary President of the Football Association 'has thought of nothing else all week.'