Take yourself to comedy writing school, like the Babylon Bee should've done

hard to believe there was once a time where they’d send a big yellow book to everyone’s house listing yours and everyone else’s assassination coordinates

Anti-Abortion protestors get mad when I say the quiet part out loud.

Humans doing the hard jobs on minimum wage while the robots write poetry and paint is not the future I wanted

The “guns don’t kill people” people sure seem to think a book can make you gay.

boy oh boy I wish someone would make a tv show where a celebrity travels around Europe and discusses how nice the food/scenery/culture is

The news is always like: "America has banned wheelchair ramps because they weren't in the Bible. Finland has made ice cream free."

The Tories sold our railways. The Tories sold our water. The Tories sold our energy. The Tories sold our oil. The Tories sold our gas. The Tories sold our buses. The Tories sold our Telecommunications. The Tories are selling our NHS. But “Labour will put the UK up for sale”….

A bright and shining example of the suicidal absurdity of technocapitalist society occurs every year at this time, all across the country. 1/n

Bob Cratchit played by a fictitious green frog, despite the character being a Caucasian with pale skin.

Sure, we all made fun of the Cybertruck’s awful design. But maybe you’ll change your mind when you learn it’s also a lethal disaster on the inside

✂️

Oh I don't know, I think that territory is actually very well charted

A key point missing in a lot of post debate analysis is that Trump’s claim about immigrants eating pets almost perfectly syncs up to the piano in the Peanuts theme song.

I'd love to get these kinda results with *anything*

john mulaney @ dreamforce set oh to be there. we should bully tech nerds much more often. they should get cop treatment at this point

Someone asked "Why do some British people not like Donald Trump?" Nate White, an articulate and witty writer from England, wrote this magnificent response: "A few things spring to mind. Trump lacks certain qualities which the British traditionally esteem. For instance, he has

Hey MAGA biblicals, can you interpret this?

My grandfather used to say “and Magda Goebbels made a great strudel” and I never knew what it meant until after he died my grandmother explained some magazine did a fluff interview with Magda Goebbels a few years before WW2 that included her strudel recipe and my grandfather, who