it’s something so sexy about ppl who don’t want you. like damn you really don’t want nothing to do with me 😍

My drunk brain only has one setting and it’s:

every day I wake up and say “I’m tired of this grandpa” and every day the universe says “that’s too damn bad”

Come and get all the meat you can handle at the Kit Carson County fairgrounds!!!

Doge mothafucking coin baby 😤😤

Do you ever hear your own voice on video and wonder why anyone loves you?

I’ve probably learned more from Hank Green on TikTok than all my science classes combined.

“No worries if not!”

Me to my last brain cell when I go 6 hours without coffee

ask for da moon n i’ll give it to u

big Fuck You to the asshole who tried to steal my debit card info so now I have to memorize a whole new set of numbers for online shopping. Thanks a lot you idiot.

god i feel so bad for people that text me fully expecting a functional adult with the capability to text anyone back

Taco Bell just announced the new “Doritos Where the Hell have you been Locas Tacos”

Bout sums it up.

Unbelievable quick thinking x.com/BonesNotNclude…

Me after trying to login to Spotify for the 50th time today

Me during quarantine

i have seen the most beautiful women of my generation have their dignity and sanity shredded by a SEC business management major with a 2.3 who pisses the bed every time he gets drunk and thinks nike polos are dress clothes