Having breakfast with a billionaire I order Mickey Mouse Pancakes and apple juice in a sippy cup He orders an extra large glass of milk “I’m lactose intolerant,” he whispers to me with a wink as the waitress leaves Puzzled, I asked why he ordered milk He tells me to

I knew they’d come through. #thekidsarealright

Episode 46 - The upside of being positive is available now. Previews wherever you get pods. Full episodes only on Patreon (£2 a month you fucks)

When the high is wearing off but you have enough cocaine lodged in your nasal cavity to bring back a little boost.

They’re not a “special population” - they’re half the population. Rip talks about how to approach training women.

TOUR ANNOUNCEMENT Delighted to be heading out on my 2nd tour this October. Bigger and better with some cracking new places. All ticket links here : linktr.ee/marknelsoncomic Any RTs and shares, hugely appreciated All the best

Unrivalled

Very funny man

Episode 48 - BACK ON THE AIR!! Full episodes on Patreon for obvious reasons

You’d never guess he just got divorced would you

TONIGHT! The best night of stand-up in 12 years of Shitchester is back with Steve Gribbin, Kyle Legacy and Dave Longley! Get your tickets now: alexanderslive.seetickets.com/event/friday-n…

🚨💀DEADMEET 2025 LINE UP💀🚨 Over 90% of tickets have now been sold so get yours QUICK The UK's BEST comedy festival //Manchester // 30.08.25 Link below 👇

Stupidly agreed to do a live pod despite mine requiring many voices and massive amounts of editing. My failure will be something to behold.

You are terminally retarded if you think people who can read books are even close to the intelligence of people who can do this:

Episode 50 of The Dave Longley Breakfast Show is about shoplifting. Jenny here tells us about her experience as a security guard. Wherever you get pods. Full episodes only on Patreon for “reasons”

I only need to two more patreons so I can rub it in someone’s face. Help me be a petty cunt and sign up for full episodes of evidence against “you can’t say anything these days” cunts Preview: open.spotify.com/episode/6ncgMj…

Episode 51 is all about embarrassing stories!! This one is SO embarrassing 😬😬😬 Previews wherever you get pods. £2 to get skin in the game and become culpable

Ren and Stimpy premiered 34 years ago today. This ground-breaking animation was an instant hit and ushered in the rise of alternative adult-oriented cartoons. Although it's marred by the actions of its creator, Ren & Stimpy's influence on animation and pop culture is undeniable.

Explain it to me like I’m 5 years old? What happens? What is the itinerary? Watch him inhale copious amounts of Chinese and shout BOSHHH afterward? Watch him waddle about out of breath? Help me understand please.