🔥The 9th Round of Easy Loan, Earn $40 Reward is in progress❗️ ⏰ Promotion Period: January 15th - Feburary 15th, 2025 👉 Register now and check more details at gate.io/campaigns/358

Before I start making a sandwich I first have to put myself in the body of a subway employee - otherwise I’ll miss a step.

Instagram is a dumpster fire. Fucking email me your opinion I just came to look at pictures.

I have to wipe down gym equipment after I use it now! Could things get any worse?

Say what you will about stupidity but goddamn it do I respect a man that initiates a handshake in this environment

Murphy was a real pessimistic asshole

Every few months or so I google Clint Eastwood’s name to see if he’s dead

You guys have to admit the new normal is pretty fucking dumb

Not enough people are discussing how difficult it is to wipe down an exercise ball

I put my blinds down at night so adjacent apartments can’t see how many bowls of cereal I eat after 11pm

Poppy szn is classy af

Like Is chuck Norris dead or wtf

Life is a circle

Are straight guys allowed to wear rainbows

Every person I see driving a Tesla looks like a person that would drive a Tesla

You can always tell someone is Russian by their shoes

When my iPhone screen self-corrects its brightness I do feel like the mushrooms are kicking in

Is it a sandwich if you don’t cut it in half ?

It’s a really bad time to ask that girl you’re dating if she’d like to buy a sprinter van and travel across the country

Saw someone wearing apple bottom jeans today. Man does that bring me back…

I am being a lot more generous with my likes on Instagram stories today. Merry Christmas