My buddy just spent 10 minutes telling me about "Tinder." He seems to think getting Herpes or waking up in a tub of ice will cheer me up...

Note to self: if you're gonna refer to someone as "that fat guy who gets easily winded," check to make sure he's not on the email chain.

My brother refused to let "being Jewish" ruin his Christmas. He bought himself a stocking, filled it with presents and is now opening them.

Just traded in my American money for Euros. I don't know how this game usually goes, but I think I lost....

Christmas Eve...The one night I don't have to put my dishes in the sink. Seriously, I leave milk and cookies everywhere and nobody complains

Merry Christmas to all my non-Jewish friends. I hope everyone I've met through playing sports or doing manual labor has a nice holiday.

Besides "make sure she doesn't have a penis," does anyone have some tips for Amsterdam? Food, museums, underground sports I can gamble on...

Being single again is killing my wallet. I don't have room in there for a condom I'll probably never use...

Be sure to keep telling everyone on Facebook how amazing your Christmas was... Every time you make a friend jealous, an angel gets its wings

Can I link my Instagram to the dictionary? I'm alone at a hotel bar on Christmas... A picture of this should be under the entry for "sad. "

My Lit professor always said "each new chapter can change the whole story." Excited to see how this next step shapes my tale. Off to Europe!

When landing in Amsterdam it'll take 30 minutes by train to my buddy's house. Or, an hour to pronounce "Anjlierdwarstraat 7" to a cab driver

Happy Boxing Day to my Canadian friends.... and to my American ones who think we're pretty much just making up holidays at this point.

Spent five hours in Philadelphia. Was told to go fuck myself three times and got pretty bad food poisoning.... Lovely town.

I had no idea "travel agent" used to be an actual job. I thought it was just a slang term old people used for Expedia.

Moving time! If anyone knows one of those depressing complexes filled with divorced Dads who call it a "temporary situation," hit me up!

"Wanna get drunk and shoot arrows at things?" -My buddy who sold his company to Google.

At the Dutch cheese museum.... Because there's no free samples at the Anne Frank house. #GoingtoHellInADairyBasket

A really fun @YouUpThePodcast is up! Dave Neal and I chat with David Breitman and Erika Grace Powell (Miss South Carolina!) itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/how…

Share Good News on Facebook Without Everyone Hating You by David Breitman bit.ly/XD5iFa