The people who keep complaining about Ben Affleck's new role as batman totally forgot that we still have bacon, blowjobs, and Breaking Bad.

Just realized Eyes Set To Kill and ICE NINE KILLS are two totally different bands.

Whoever said "T.V. rots your brain" has obviously never seen Breaking Bad.

My favorite part about football is drinking free beer, eating free food, and playing with other people's dogs while my friends watch TV.

According to Facebook, if you died any other day beside 9/11/01, you will more than likely be forgotten.

I hate bums who get pissed when you give them food instead of money. It's not my fault they don't own a can opener.

2 liter Capris Suns

Whoever discovered that you can cook eggs deserves a Nobel prize.

The world would be a better place if attractive, big breasted pizza delivery women actually existed .

You know you are old when you reference the video game "duck hunt" at a bar and people tell you their parents played that game

The fact that a small bag of Kettle chips is actually 2 servings is the reason I have trust issues.

“Flappers Comedy Club: Don't miss out on Bill Burr, Monday, Nov. 4th! Act fast!" @SaraDresses are you going to this?

People who complain about women dressing like whores on Halloween need to stop being such annoying, fat, disgusting assholes

If Jesus saves, why is he always asking for more money?

To the guy who stood up at the Netflix meeting and said "We need to add the entire Leprechaun… instagram.com/p/1wvo-NgX4j/

Why riot when you can eat crab cakes?

He'll always be Brandy's little brother's ex-girlfriend's step dad to me.

#Repost davehtattoos ・・・ Still not done got lots of detail to do super fun Tattoo thanks for letting… instagram.com/p/34WGcEgX6Q/

If you're a gay divorce lawyer, you gotta be pretty stoked today.