Came home from work to find my wife had planted loads of conifer trees in our living room. She reckons she was just trying to spruce the place up a bit.

So my wife asked me to dry the dishes, but I wanted to play blues guitar. Improvise, adapt, overcome………….🥃🥃👍🏻👍🏻🎸🎸🤪

I see our illustrious leader is enjoying himself before staring WWIII.

🤪🍻👍🏻

I've got my father's nose…… I haven't really, it's just my thumb between my fingers.

I just read that Michelangelo painted the Sistine chapel on his back. It must have been really difficult reaching the bit between his shoulders.

-Hello, RSPCA. -Hello. There's a polecat clinging to my ceiling fan. -I don't believe you. -Well you'll have to take my whirred ferret.

Today is Battle of Britain day, 84 years ago. "Never was so much owed by so many to so few" 🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧

Oh yeah! 👍🏻😂🎄🎅🏻🎅🏻🎅🏻🎅🏻⛄️⛄️ Only 100 days till Christmas Eve, just saying! 🍺🍺🍺🍷🍷🎅🏻🎅🏻🎅🏻🎅🏻

You probably need to be from the London area to get this? Or try it in a cockney accent!

I wish my wife was one of those government agents who aren't allowed to talk about what they did at work all day.

So l was offered grapes by someone today. I declined. I'm not used to consuming wine in pill form.

Wife: "Don't forget you've got work tomorrow" Me: "Precisely why I'm drinking all this wine."

This is me…….🤪🤪👍🏻🥃🥃

🤪🤪👍🏻👍🏻🥃

This is me………..👍🏻👍🏻🍷🍷🎸🎸❤️

🥃🥃🤪🤪👍🏻👍🏻

🍷🍷🤪🤪👍🏻👍🏻🎸

🍷🍷👍🏻👍🏻🎸🎸

🍷🍷🍷🤪👍🏻