Every road trip needs a snack break. Doritos acquired. I got you, Kamala Harris.

I'm officially old. I just had to shave my ears.

My wife took having to get rid of the dog harder than I thought. She just bought a leash for our boy.

I think if I had it to do over again, I would like to have been the hype man for a Ska band.

I don't care what your political affiliation is. Now is not the time for Harper jokes while a solider may lose his life. Show some respect.

You know you've been married too long when your wife would rather shave her pants than her legs.

Tomorrow, the next best thing to today! And tomorrow, Brendan McKeigan, Scott McMann & Dave Paterson make Absolute Comedy YGK a laugh house!

I think if nothing else, having kids has taught me that I am definitely not a morning person.

Apparently it is wrong to teach my two year old the word "shart". I'm told the correct word for a two year old is "foop".

Tonight! The #ProveYoureAComic Week #2 Finale! With headliner @wardanderson and host Dave Paterson ! 8:30pm! $10! 416-486-7700! #ComedyTO

This is going to be a great show! x.com/absolutecomedy…

Pretty much sums it up... x.com/rainnwilson/st…

Here is our first article with durhamregion.com Headliner for this weekend is Gavin Stephens Students Get 2-for-1 deals! durhamregion.com/whatson-story/…

You know you're getting fat when your wife signs you up at a gym. Still not as bad as when she booked my vasectomy.

I voted the same way I pick my shirts. Find the least disgusting one and hope for the best.

RT to vote for #boneshakerslogan #3: Unfiltered, Uncompromised, Unrattled! Brian Coughlin

Who doesn't like a good bone shaking?? x.com/amsterdambeer/…

Hey kids! Should be a fun week! Pop on by... x.com/absolutecomedy…

Come out and watch me try to do stand up on my freshly broken leg! It'll be fun. x.com/absolutecomedy…

Hey kids, if you're in Toronto, come on out. Last night was an amazing show! Can't wait for tonight. x.com/absolutecomedy…