When I was a boy we didn’t get eaten by fish. #TheLastDriveIn

Bro wasn’t going to prison. #TheLastDriveIn

I was at Raley's yesterday and this really fat family of 4 were shopping. The kids were going nuts over all the food and the Mom was all excited about what they brought to her and the 3 would excitedly talk about the product. The Dad was standing back behind the 3 and was looking

Pretty sure I was put on this planet to eat as much as possible.

You good? I know I probably won’t hear back from you. But know that I care about you. Diana “Darcy the Mail Girl” Prince 🤠💌

You know what would be nice? Food. Food without all this other bull shit added.

Bedding in the wash. Watching Christopher Robin.

Yes. Hi. I would like my money back for this simulation.

Worry often gives small things a big shadow. Let’s enjoy every moment.

I’m suspicious of adults who take a bath. Like, 1: Why do you fit in there? 2: Why, when a shower cleans everything- just not below your neck. 3: Are you afraid of rain? 4: A bath is like you’re purposely waiting in a container of water for an intruder to come in. 5: What

Who is your favorite actor? William Shatner

I do not like hunky boys!!! …., or… do I?…

Now whenever I see a Pith hat I ask or wonder if it’s real Pith. Joe Bob Briggs

Hey. Let me stop you there. I don’t give a fuck.

Drunk me has ordered us a week of groceries. Thank you drunk me. I look forward to seeing what you bought us!!!

Now I have to wait in the front yard and do things that make me look sober so the door dash driver won’t deny the beer he or she is dropping off. What the fuck. What are you, my parent!? The fuck out of here. Of course I’m drunk. That’s why you’re bringing it and I’m not fucking

I have 2 Door Dash delivery drivers coming at once. I hope they fight.

Drunk me is so much more responsible with money than sober me. Drunk me just bought our groceries for the week. Sober me would had gone to fast food. Drunk me cares about my health and financial future. And those crackers I like, yeah, as a treat, drunk me bought them for sober

This is fake – that’s not our screen. Tesla does NOT disable vehicles remotely.

I appreciate you. Diana “Darcy the Mail Girl” Prince 🤠💌